Yep, I can feel it--trouble's coming and I'm going to be right in the middle of it if I'm not careful. I'm not even one of those jumpy rabbit kind of people who leap around with their heads twisted over one shoulder watching for creepy things to leap out and grab them from dark corners as they go scuttling past. In fact, I very rarely worry about being in trouble and I sleep well at night, but lately I've been feeling the cold shivers from doom's breath on my neck.
And all of this is because of what is sitting on the edge of my bathroom sink. Who would have thought that trouble and pain would come from such an inauspicious place and lurk in the depths of a toothpaste tube? That's right, a toothpaste tube! I recently bought some new toothpaste (which I don't really like by the way) and all the trouble started threatening then.
What is this trouble I feel creeping around waiting to grab me in some unsuspecting moment of time? It's just that my toothpaste and my face wash both sit upright on flat caps. I've been down this road before and it isn't a pretty one. I know it is only a matter of time before I crawl out of bed one dark morning and use my toothpaste to wash my face or my face wash to brush my teeth because my sleep-fuddled mind will not have grasped the difference between the two of them. I've come this close to doing it before and now here I am, tempting fate again.
I don't know what sadistic man thought that it would be a good idea to make toothpaste with a flat cap, but I pity his wife, girlfriend, grand mother, mother, sister, aunt or significant other that made him design it. I don't know what she had done to deserve his hatred but it must have been bad. Otherwise who in their right mind would have made two hygienic products that could easily be mistaken by innocent people who would undoubtedly be using them while in a sleepy stupor? And when my doom finally catches up with me and I use the wrong product in the wrong place in spite of all my clever attempts to keep myself from making that mistake, I can guarantee that I will be thinking mean thoughts of this unknown fellow human and hoping that they get their mouthwash and their eye drops mixed up as retribution!
